(by an honest-to-goodness-lesbitarian herself)
Lisa Lunt

1. Attention, ladies, just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I want YOU. (I do have standards.)
2. Flirtatious straight girls, piss off. It may be a boost for your ego, but it’s just a trip down a dead-end street for me. If you’re not prepared to go the whole way, then don’t waste my time.
3. I cannot fix plumbing, electrical circuits or carburetors.
4. I don’t listen to K.D. Lang or The Indigo Girls.
5. I DO wear make up, thank you.
6. I DON’T wear flannel and plaid (anymore).
7. I have never danced on a nightclub speaker in just a sports bra.
8. I electrolysized my moustache ages ago.
9. I don’t have a cat (no pun intended).
10. I don’t play tennis, rugby or soft-ball (no pun intended).
11. Guys, you will never, EVER be invited to “watch” so please stop asking. Imagine a hairy, sweaty, horny man watching YOU get it on. Sorta kills the mood, doesn’t it?
12. I don’t use a dildo. (Those “lesbian” pornos you watch are made BY straight men, FOR straight men. I have never—to my recollection—wrestled with a vibrator whilst straddling a ladder on the lawn by the pool.  REAL lesbian porn is…well…kinda boring actually.)
13. “You just haven’t met the right guy.” Uhmmm, yeah. Riiiigggght. Only dudes (and moms) say this. News flash: “Chasing Amy” was FICTION (written by a boy). I could say the same thing to any guy about his need to explore homosexuality: “You just haven’t met the right guy!”
14. I have never worn, owned or contemplated buying a pair of Birkenstocks!!!!