By Keith

I’d like to first start by saying today’s lesson is not of the atom that we have all come to know and love in our high-school chemistry class.  No, it is, indeed, about a far greater concept.  When Democritus first coined the term ‘Atom’, he never believed it would be used to describe such a pathetic excuse for his idea.  Yes, Democritus would be very upset with us all.  So in a pointless attempt so placate our dear - but thoroughly dead - Greek scholar, I shall try to educate and enlighten the intelligent readers of Kittens In Underpants with the truth of Democritus’ ‘Atom.’

An Atom	Ancient Greek Stuff

Our story begins with a youthful Democritus sitting in his local pub.  Like many of the enlightened persons of his time, he endeavored not only to understand the universe around him, but also to imbibe huge quantities of wine.  One night, after sampling a couple of quarts of the latest import, Democritus felt quite stallion-like and upon seeing a beautiful, youthful lady, decided that he must have her that instant.  So, very inebriated, Democritus walked up to the young woman and seeing that she was obviously Roman asked, “Do you have any Greek in you?”  The young Roman answered in a somewhat manly voice “no,” to which Democritus responded, “Want some?” 

Before I continue, there are two facts about ancient Greece that bear reminding.  First, the ancient Greeks believed heavily in the use of marble and other stone in the construction of their structures - pubs were no exception.  Secondly, Greeks often mistook Roman men for women, owing to the short red skirts and the large breastplates. 

Upon hearing Democritus’ reply, the Roman centurion (yes, that’s right, a manly warrior) immediately, and with total impunity, began to beat the shite out of the poor, drunken Democritus.  Like a little rag-doll, the Big D was tossed into tables and benches (remember, it’s all stone) and even into the fireplace.  With a final uppercut, the centurion sent him flying through the air and into the bar, leaving Democritus very bloody and completely unconscious.

Now, at this point, dear reader, you’re probably wondering what all this has to do with the ‘Atom,’ and the truth is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!  But it just goes to show that even a genius can get the crap beat out of him because of a skirt.

Oh, by the way, Democritus’ idea of the ‘Atom’ was of the smallest indivisible particle in existence, unlike our paltry atom which is made up of protons, neutrons, and electrons, which are in turn made up of leptons, bosons, quarks, and the like. 

Cheery-Oh!